Apple & Samsung: $2,000 and I'm Still Dating Idiots?
I bought a $2,000 folding phone. It arrives December 23rd. I'll be in my Christmas PJs, holding vigil by the mailbox. (Yep, a moment of silence for my 12 Pro Max).
So, Merry Christmas to me. For that price, it should fold laundry and stop me from sending “Just checking in!” to someone who has clearly checked out.
Here’s the feature I actually want:
“You have checked this person’s message 14 times. Go outside.”
I would pay for that.
Apple and Samsung, you’ve spent years making sure we cannot put these things down. Then we take them on dates and wonder why we can’t connect.
You’ve given us sharper cameras. We’re taking clearer pictures of people we should never have dated.
Perhaps the next launch could address that.
But before we blame Cupertino for our romantic lives, let’s examine the customer. Does the way you choose and use your phone say something about your dating personality?
The Early Adopter: Is There a Newer One?
You’re curious, adventurous, and excited by possibilities. On dates, you suggest places and make plans. Nobody has to lure you out of the house with cheese.
But by date seven, you’ve heard their airport story twice. You begin browsing.
Apple and Samsung have convinced you that everything needs upgrading. Now you’re looking at a perfectly lovely person wondering whether they come in taller.
Your gift: Enthusiasm.
Your glitch: Getting bored once someone stops being a surprise.
The Loyal Holdout: This One Still Works
Your phone is nine years old. The battery lasts long enough to ask where the charger is.
You value loyalty. Wonderful—unless you’re equally devoted to dating rules from 1987.
You won’t message first. Won’t date younger. Won’t drive more than 15 minutes.
You want a new chapter, but it must happen in your usual booth before dark.
Your gift: Commitment.
Your glitch: Treating change like a suspicious mole.
Keep the phone. Consider a partner who requires getting on the highway.
The Specifications Shopper: Does This Person Come in Taller?
You researched your phone for six weeks. Naturally, dinner requires a background check.
Education? Income? Retirement plans?
By the salad course, your date has supplied enough information to refinance a condominium.
You say you want butterflies. So far, you’ve requested tax returns.
Your gift: Discernment.
Your glitch: Trying to remove every risk before dessert.
You can verify someone’s graduate degree and still pray for a small, manageable power outage.
The Notification Detective: Where’s the Exclamation Point?
Yesterday: “Good morning!”
Today: “Good morning.”
You contact your sister.
By ten, three women are examining the evidence. Someone says “emotionally unavailable.” Nobody says “probably at Costco.”
You care about connection. But now you’re conducting a forensic investigation into a man buying rotisserie chicken.
Your gift: Attentiveness.
Your glitch: Letting punctuation ruin your morning.
“Delivered” is a message status. Please stop treating it as a diagnosis.
The Dinner-Table Broadcaster: Sorry, One Second
Your phone sits beside your fork. It lights up. You check. Your date pauses.
Someone put on actual pants to watch you receive coupons.
Yes, children, aging parents, and emergencies exist. Explain if you need to stay reachable.
But the outdoor furniture sale can survive without your leadership.
Your gift: Responsiveness.
Your glitch: Making your date compete with patio cushions.
The cushions will still be on sale tomorrow. They’re always on sale. It’s their entire business model.
Your Dating Patterns Are Worth a Look
Your phone brand cannot explain your love life. But these habits might sound familiar.
Chasing novelty. Resisting change. Overanalyzing. Needing reassurance. Struggling to be present.
The McGinty Relationship Dating Profile—MRDP— explores your dating strengths, blind spots, and patterns that may be getting in your way. Your personalized two-page profile helps you see what deserves attention. (Hey, who doesn't want to read 2 pages of data specifically about YOU and your dating patterns that I poured 30 years of knowledge into with my heart and soul!?!?)
Take the MRDP assessment at 33000Dates.com. Ohhhh, you want the 2 pages of data too and not just the tiny summary? Make sure you scroll all the way down after you read your results to get this. Yep, worth it.
Meanwhile, I’ll be waiting for my Christmas delivery.
I’ll admire it, set it up, and show my husband everything it can do.
Then I’ll put it down and have dinner with him.
I paid $2,000 for the phone.
He shouldn’t have to compete with it.
XX, Andrea
Comments