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Chemistry: A wild card in dating

Chemistry is that elusive spark between people—-scientists and psychologists continually study this phenom and try to come up with a formula. So far, prediction of chemistry is just as mysterious as ever. Generally, it's physical attraction and emotional attraction combined. (though some may add intellectual attraction and I wouldn't disagree).

One of my teen daughters laughs at me—-we may be at the movies and I’ll say something like “oh those two definitely go together” and she looks at me like I’m crazy but her friends giggle. Ok, it must be my occupational hazard going back to fixing up friends in high school! Yep, my first marriage of a friend was at 22 years old and of course, I was a bridesmaid.

Ok, let’s get down to it—-

1. It happens on the first date. maybe. But few and far between. After working with 40,000+ clients for over 25 years, my educated guess is date number 3. Yes, you need attraction to get from date #1 to #2, but don’t give up after one date. Attraction morphs often into that evasive spark.

2. Inexplicably drawn to someone it’s like a meet cute. You lock eyes and there’s something. Maybe a spark in her eyes. His smile. You start chatting and you’re turned on by his Boston accent. She’s quirky and tells a goofy story.

3. Body Language it’s your first date. Her shoulders are relaxed. A tilt of the head as he listens. He immediately puts his cell phone away. Great eye contact. Unconsciously she flicks her hair. Good posture. These are all positive signs of interest unlike arms crossed, frowning, glancing at their watch or overusing gestures.

4. Time flies when you’re together And, you can’t even remember what you talked about for 3 hours. If there’s a lull in conversation, it’s comfortable. Amy told me on her third date with Mark, that she said to him “I don’t even know what to talk about next as there are so many thoughts and questions swirling in my brain” and he laughed and said “me too”. This dinner concluded with a 2 hour walk on the beach (I know, sounds corny but they were in Laguna Beach on the date). Long kisses…. now engaged.

5. You are yourself The date is sooo easy. You are you. He is himself.

6. Laughter Ok, everyone tells me they want a person with a sense of humor. But, there’s so many kinds—silly, witty, goofy, quirky, self-deprecating, Ted Lasso, Seinfeld. It’s indescribable until you experience it with another person.

7. Calmness Sound odd? Just that feeling of being relaxed and natural.

8. Great listener You talk, she really listens. And vice versa. There are not a million thoughts swirling in your head about what to say next. You are both present.

9. Common values You can’t go on a first or second date and ask “what are your values?”. This comes out as you talk on a first date, text afterwards, go on a second date. I don’t mean common interests—sure, it’s great you both golf or love the same indie movies. But common values can take you all the way.

10. You make no sense on paper. You read her dating profile. You are unsure. But you go for it. And, you get along as if you were made for each other. On this one, follow your gut.

So, my final advice: You see a potential date online. You are 50/50 on her. Meet. In. Real. Life. It’s an hour and it just may be the love of your life!

Have fun dating, be adventurous and positive.



Founder, It’s Just Lunch in 1991 (sold)

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Jun 14, 2023
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

Direct articles, thoughtful and backed by experience. Thank you!

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