Top 10 First Online Dating Messages That Actually Work

First Impressions Are Everything

In the past two weeks, I’ve been asked this question by at least 20–30 clients:“What should I say in my first message?”

Let me be blunt—your first message is your first impression. And if you’re sending, “Hey, your profile is interesting,” on a scale of 1–10, that’s a negative 100.

Boring. Forgettable. Delete.

Rule #1: Quirky works. Weird doesn’t.

Unique, specific, and warm beats generic every time. If you want great dates, you need to stand out right from the start.

And if you’re the type who hops online, waits for people to find you, and wonders why nothing’s happening—well, you’re not dating. You’re loitering.

When I coach clients, I always find one offbeat, memorable detail from the other person’s profile—and use it to start a real conversation.

🚫 Top First Message No-No’s

Photo at the Taj Mahal: “Oh, how did you like India?”→ Snooze. At least 20 vanilla people already asked that.
Cute puppy: “What breed is your dog?”→ Unoriginal and overused.
Compliment: “You have a great smile.”→ Nice, but… zero creativity.
Ski photo: “Where do you like to ski?”→ Everyone’s asked that one.
Reading The Fountainhead: “Wow, that’s a classic, right?”→ Yawn.

✅ How to Fix It — and Actually Stand Out

Travel Example:“Hey Mike — I loved India too! Especially Rishikesh—where I took a 3-week yoga certification. Me attempting headstands = comedy gold.The Pan Puri was my favorite (though definitely not a first-date food). What was yours? Namaste, Andrea.”
Dog Example:“Hi Lila — Your golden retriever’s adorable. When my daughter was 12, ours would comfort her every time she cried—head on lap, total empathy. We should grab coffee and take our dogs for a walk. Mark.”
Compliment with a Twist:“Kim, that smile’s contagious. Can you tell a good joke too?Let’s swap one each—if we both laugh, lunch is on me. Jeff.”
Ski Photo: “Chris — Pro skier or just rocking that jacket? I taught skiing in Breckenridge during my gap year (my parents were thrilled… not).Now I’m teaching my kids. Heading to Whistler this winter—where did you learn? Kimmie.”
Book Example:“Hi Dave — The Fountainhead is a classic. But guess what my favorite Ayn Rand book is? Hint: my daughter’s name is Dagny. 😉Warmly, Andrea.”(True story: we had three great dates.)

💡 Five General First Messages That Work Anywhere

“Mike — I made my signature eggplant parm last night and my friends practically gave it awards. What’s your go-to dish?(I could eat Italian every meal and be blissfully happy.) — Angela”
“Daniel — You sound like a world traveler! I once got lost in Wyoming and Chiang Mai—best stories always start with ‘I got lost…’What’s your favorite travel story? — Alana”
“Hey Theresa — People always notice my height first. What do they notice about you?I’m betting those green eyes. — Gary”
“Mike — When I joined this site, I asked my four best friends to describe me. Three of them said ‘down-to-earth.’ What would yours say? 😊 — Clara”
“Tristan — I hesitated to get online because I’m a little shy (though my friends disagree).You mentioned scientists being shy—maybe we should meet for a drink and test that theory? — Carrie”

🧠 The Big Takeaway

It’s about being you—authentic, spontaneous, and human.

Skip the AI-generated lines (they sound like an executive recruiter).Think cocktail-party banter, not job interview questions.

When I coach clients, we write five opening messages together, live, right in the app.I’ll show you how to make your first impression unforgettable—and get responses that turn into real-life dates.

After 30 years, 33,000 dates, and over 10,000 relationships and marriages later…trust me, I know what gets that first “Yes.”

Let’s make your next message count. 💬

If your first messages aren’t getting replies… it’s not the algorithm, it’s your opener.

Let’s fix that. I’ll show you what 33,000 dates have taught me about standing out.✨ Book your session before Sunday and get 25% off!

Click here.

xx, Andrea McGinty Featured in the Wall Street Journal, CNN, OPRAH, New York Times, People Magazine, Forbes and More

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